Taking the leap into faith deconstruction:
There I was, halfway through my first year of ministry school, when all of these questions started bubbling up. Questions about the faith and beliefs that I had given my life to; also the certainty of this doctrine under which I had raised my children. I began questioning the only “firm foundation” I had ever known. I watched, as a programmed answer came to combat each question; answers that were taught to me by others. Very few answers came from experiential knowledge and the pure love that I had experienced with my Beloved/Source/God. It was like I had an “ah ha” moment sitting outside of time and space. I saw the potential for a bigger picture than what I had been told. I thought to myself “where is this coming from? “. Yet, there was a resonance of familiarity, a deep knowing that I was tapping into something ancient, something familiar; something older than Christianity, even older than time. Source itself resonated within me, calling me to surrender the “knowing”, to surrender the “certainty” of which my whole life was built upon.
I had a choice, I could stay and continue to be the square peg trying to fit myself into the round hole of religion or I could take a running start and jump with no safety net in sight…take a trusting leap into the unknown. I obviously chose the latter. I gave my full fuck yes and went in search for the “more“ of God. The funny thing is, that I didn’t have to search at all, THE MORE came and chased me down.
Since then, I have stumbled, triumphed, made a mess, and tapped into a ONENESS that is indescribable! I have discovered the thrill and joy of this adventure we call life! I have gone to the depths of darkness that have felt like death many times over and re-emerged more free, whole and connected to LOVE with each plunge. I have discovered the strength and stability that has always been within me. I learned that I no longer need to outsource my power and decision making. I learned to love myself deeply; to have a relationship with myself that fulfills me in ways that no human relationship can. Also discovering this innate wisdom and fearlessness that I carry, that we all carry and are born with. It’s our BIRTHRIGHT!
The journey of spiritual awakening is a lonely one. It takes a toll on the mind and body unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It is not for the faint of heart. But man is it worth it! I never want to go back!
You may be just beginning to question what you’ve been taught or you may be smack dab in the middle of deconstructing your religious programming or maybe you’ve stepped away from the church and embarked on a spiritual awakening journey that is simply blowing your mind but also causing upheaval and chaos in your life. I want you to know that you are not alone, you’re not fucked up, you’re not broken! Many are going through the same faith deconstruction journey.
I would be honored to walk alongside you; to help you feel a little less crazy and give you some practical tools to navigate this challenging season that you find yourself in. If interested, contact me. We are not meant to walk this road alone, however, sometimes we find ourselves void of friends, family or community whom we can fully trust to handle our questioning and the unique way we are choosing to navigate big life transitions. You deserve a safe place to land and a hand to hold through your faith deconstruction process.